brain operations

My brain works in an interesting way.  I guess all of ours do... I've been traveling for the last three weeks; touring with Rory, going to Bonnaroo, seeing the Wall for the last time, seeing college friends, and finally going to NYC for the first time in a year and a half for a wedding.  It was a very emotionally heavy trip, especially that last part...I had many expectations of what it would be like to be back, some were met, some were not.  What I did take away from the trip was that New York isn't my home anymore, it's a place that holds fond memories, growth and a lot of potential.  LA is my home now and being away from it made me aware that I do take comfort in that. I may not be fully rooted yet, but things are shifting and settling in.

One thing I am very glad I got to do a lot of was cook and sit around a table with a handful of very important people.  We laughed, cried, drank and ate. It was fabulous.  It reinforces the fact that sitting around the table sharing a meal with people I love is where I find my community. It's where I experience great joy with the most important people in my life. 

I'm currently on a plane, eager to get back to LA, and these thoughts came out of my mouth: "the key to  a roast chicken is to cut through the bone after it's cooked a little cooled." I mean, duh, right?  AND, "how can I make that curry rice pilaf with out using the box mix...what seasoning should I use...I think Rory would like it."  OR "I bet I could make a whole meal out of orzo, fresh parsley, tomatoes and some shredded gruyere or parm."  I'm excited to go home and set my table again, work in my kitchen, re-establish myself in MY home. 

What makes for a "home" moment for you?

Oh Ira Glass

I don't know if I ever told you, but back when I lived in NYC (that seems like such a trite statement) the girls of Bushwick Shakes and I met Ira Glass. At a bar.  

We were there before going to a party and we were multi-tasking - drinking and having a company meeting.  We were drinking white wine, had our moleskins out and were sitting in the back of The West Side Tavern.  We were chatting about shows and marketing and new ideas, I don't even remember seeing a table of 4 sit down next to us.  Next thing I know, there's this really tall man in thick rimmed glasses with a thick head of dark hair towering over my friend Tiffany and I.  He squats down next to us so that he could be eye level with us and says, "I'm sorry to interrupt you ladies, but what are you doing working at a bar?"  We then launch into the whole "we're an all female Shakespeare company working on our next show (and as I write this, it must have been Julius Caesar, eh hem, in which I played Cassius...Awesome good time).  He asks a bunch of questions, was really nice and friendly and an all around cool guy.  He asks what our names are, we tell him, he says, "I'm Ira."  Cool, great, see you later...and back to his table he went.

I never put two and two together until later, he was still sitting next to us, we were still working and he was literally 10 feet behind me when at the bar Lexi and I are ordering another glass of wine and I say (outloud) "Holy shit....that's Ira Glass. Like NPR Ira Glass." Lexi was shocked that a) I didn't know immediatly and b) that I was actually saying these things that he might hear.  Hello nerd alter!  I cannot tell you how excited I was.

I will never know if he heard me but I do know that when I get home, I went online and figured out how to get in touch with him.  I drafted an email re-intorducing myself and the company and said that we would love to have him and his team come to the show.  I sent a press release, everything.  I was even in touch with one of his production guys who said they were trying to figure out if they'd be in NYC during the run of our show. 

Alas, he wasn't able to come to the show...but he at least knew I was in one and I got to meet him.  I also found this today and its a good reminder.

nothing a little fresh squeezed orange juice can't help

These are from my backyard,

and they are awesome. And they made me feel better. I'm not gonna lie, I've been having a rough week. Didn't you notice all the blogging (distraction tactics!)?  

I'm enjoying my new home but, I think I've been on the go so much since I got here that now that there's silence, it's an overwhelming stagnation.  It's a stand still that I know is avoidable but I can't figure out how to break out of it. It stinks.  The city I live in is foreign, it's habits are different, it's in's and out's are all new.  I miss the old, I miss the familiar. I would even deal with the cold. Yes, new is an adventure, an exciting one nonetheless...sometimes it's just overwhelming.

Those oranges are sweet, juicy and perfectly ripe. I needed something to cheer me up. I feel better. I feel a little more motivated. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but tomorrow is tomorrow and today is now. In high school we had a substitute teacher, I can't for the life of me remember his name, but he was awesome. He always wore polyester pants, a stripped short sleeved shirt and a solid tie.  He had shaggy hair and big thick 70s style glasses. He was also the guy who would chat, we did the minimal work we were supposed to then it was chat about life time.  Which could seem creepy but he was never creepy.  When we would be going through any of those "teenage-crisis" moments, he'd always remind us to take it one day at a time and if that was too hard, one minute a time...still too tough? Go moment to moment. It seems pretty straight forward and obvious, but when you're a 16 year old girl it's advice gold. I remember it whenever I'm in this space...so, it's a day at a time for now.

Thanks for bearing with me.
xo

Breakfast!

rory was on late night with Jimmy Fallon!

i'm madly in love with this guy :) and i'm pretty sure he
feels the same.  

my guy's got rock hard b*lls.

sometimes life gets in the way

overwhelmed. this is what i've been feeling on a regular basis for the last 2 months. o-ver-whelmed. sheesh. its all this moving across the country and saving money and not sleeping in my bed and not being comfortable in someone elses house to cook. i DESPERATELY miss cooking. i miss the access to the kitchen, the ability to walk to the grocery store to whip something up. however, with this comes an over-eagerness. for example...tonight, i'm at home and have to do laundry and i want to cook and bake EVERYthing. i want to make braised pork chops. i want to make a tenderloin. i want to make chili. i want to make burritos. i want to make couscous w. greens. i want to bake a tart tartine. i want to make pumpkin bread. i want to make homemade yogurt. i want to make pizza - from scratch. i want to eat everything and make everything. 

i knew, but i guess i didn't really know how important 'my' kitchen was to me. cooking really is cathartic for me. its my quiet creative time. its where i feel like i excel and where i have the time to breakdown whats been on my mind for x many days. cooking has become another extension of my creative self. along with acting (and drawing and sometimes writing) its where i feel the most myself. where i feel the most involved. i like working with my hands. i like details. maybe its not weird that cooking is relaxing. its just nice and i like it a lot. and when i don't have it in my life...somethings missing. i cannot wait to move to los angeles and start making my home. start making my kitchen really mine....

(not that you care) but i can't guarantee that i am going to be any better at this for the next month and a half while i prep for the move and move. but i will try to be. b.c, along with the cooking...this space is nice for me. i enjoy it.

do you do anything to help ease tension? any tips to calm being overwhelmed that aren't really time consuming and expensive?

what a weekend!

i've had a fabulous 4 day weekend. rory was in town all week which was super. i went to a bunch of comedy shows, hung out with the boyfriend and friends and had some really great quality time w. the man i love. 

the weekend started on Thursday night when kyle, rory and i went to blue ribbon bakery. um. INCREDIBLE. kyle and i both had the special skirt steak in a red wine sauce w. fingerling potatoes and roasted carrots...buttery deliciousness. that place is pricey but its great. my favorite part about the restaurant is the downstairs. its all brick and thick dark wooden beams. there's another dining room, the kitchen is open for us to see and there's even a wine cellar room equipped with a table for 8. the bathroom has a trough style sink made of granite (i think) and its awesome. i would like my bathroom sink to be like that. 

friday i had the day off so, we went to the east village in search of brunch and thrift stores. we ate at 7 & a, they serve breakfast all day which is great. we wanted to go to westville but they weren't serving brunch and we both were in the mood for breakfast foods. then to the thrift stores! if you live in nyc and like shopping in thrift stores, there's a great one on 1st ave between 12th and 13th st on the east side. its super and priced well.
 
rory left early saturday. we went to a breakfast joint on 22d and 3rd ave. then he was off to do his tour and make a documentary. saturday night i stayed in and made pasta! again!  this time, i took note of the kneading for at least 15 minutes. note to self: don't go to the gym and work your arms in the weight room if you plan on making pasta, bread, anything that has dough of any sorts that you have to knead...i was SO sore. still, the pasta was good.  although, i dont know how they did it back in the day (even now)...i cannot for the life of me roll the dough out to be thin enough so i wind up with think and chewy pasta. its still good, its just too dense. i threw in a bunch of arugula, some cherry tomatoes from the green market and feta and a lemon. mixed it all together, finito! 

pasta dough

its a one to one ratio, so 1 egg to 1 cup of flour per person. put all of your four in a bowl, make a well, crack the eggs into that well, beat eggs. slowly start to incorporate the egg into the flour with your fingers (you're going to get dirty). and mix and mix and mix. i had to add about a quarter cup of warm water to help make the dough. then knead, you have to knead for at least 15 min so that you release the gluten. then when its done you'll be sore as heck, so, ball the dough, wrap it in plastic wrap and let it sit in the fridge for 20 min.  in this time maybe you can get your honey to give your arms and shoulders a rub down.  then take it out, let it get back to room temp. flour your rolling surface and roll the dough out. i cut it in two parts. if you have a pasta maker a) lucky! b) seriously, i am jealous c) follow the instructions it came with. you should roll the dough out until its thin thin thin. almost like paper. maybe a little thicker than that. when its rolled out this is when you can cut. i always just cut any which way. makes my pasta feel more homemade.


the beach! i went to the beach on sunday with some friends and decided to bring along snacks to feed an army. i made hummus and pico de gallo. brought peanutbutter & jelly (STRAWBERRY) sandwiches, water, wine, plums, carrots and celery. everything except the pb & j's were from the farmers market. it was awesome. we had an incredible day at the beach and then we went to a local watering hole and met a very charismatic regular named Jon. He was cra-cra guys but at least we all had a good laugh. 


monday. last day of my weekend. i decided to make curry. just googled and found a simple enough recipe. although...i'm not going to post b.c it wasn't what i wanted it to be. i wanted something creamier and more saucy. i'm setting out to find the best curry go-to recipe...this coming from a girl who loves to cook for other people whos boyfriend doesnt eat curry...WHAT am i thinking?


hope you enjoyed! xo

can't wait to get back

to cooking dinner. crazy to some, but in an effort to eat more healthy and to save more money (remember, the impending move to LA), i want to cook at home more. and i've been so busy its been near impossible. i might end up being the type of person who cooks big on the weekend and freezes for throughout the week. we'll see. its something i am really looking forward to. i also cant wait to dive into moving prep and yes, i will do this 2+ months in advance, b.c thats the type of person i am. crazy. i mean, organized. crazy organized.

everyone i love loves italian food. this makes me happy.

this includes me. (right? cause i gotta show myself some love.) i'm not joking...when i have a choice of what i want to eat out, i choose italian. when i have to plan a meal, i always seem to lean towards italian. when my boyfriend and i want to spend a special evening out by ourselves, we go italian. i read books that focus on italian food. (ps. do yourself a favor and read HEAT by bill buford. ... its great) when i watch a cooking show, i love watching people make italian food. whats something i want to perfect making at home? pasta. and a ragu. man.

...friday night we (rory, his sisters, bro-in-law and a friend) went here: luzzo's. its a great little brick oven pizza place in the east village. its so good. then saturday i threw an amazing surprise party for rory...it was AWESOME. he had no idea and Mike Meyers was at the bar...i love dive bars in NYC. then on Sun, we went to the Meatball Shop in the LES. Also wonderful. I had spicy pork meatballs on risotto - yums. and then, tonight, i have a date with the love of my life and we're going to Barolo for restaurant week...sigh. i could die in italian food.

heat

tonight (today, yesterday, this week) was one of those hot, sticky, gross new york nights. we're talking really, really hot and sweaty. i had rehearsal at the old stone house in a very hot, humid room...regardless it was a fun rehearsal and we had two audience members who stuck through the heat. 

what was great about tonight, not counting the cab we had to take because the subway shut down unexpectedly (im not being insincere) was the way everyone on my walk home was reacting to the heat. sure, fire hydrants gushing water is such a waste but when there are adults and teenagers running through it b.c thats the only way they can get cool. or there's a couple who while riding their bikes took a turn they weren't expecting and were now soaked and giggling. or every window is open and people are leaning out with fans in their hands hoping to catch a cool breeze from anywhere. there's something magical about that. there's something about it that says, only in new york. 

thanks heat. i hear you're back for another doozie tomorrow.

new kitchen, lots of eggs

alright. for now...its just writing. my bowl-full of white rice did not suck all the moisture out of the camera, if it did...to no avail. i'm still hanging on tot he fact that i may be able to charge the battery.

some long overdue posts (which were waiting for images...here's to using my adjectives!)

so i've been in my new kitchen for a week to the day. i love it. there's so much natural light and the room is so spacious. i've tried to make dinner every night and a lot of those dinners have included, yup, poached eggs and greens. (i've eaten 6 eggs, at least) i even made myself brunch on saturday (before spending the day laying in a park in long island city reading my script). it was so good...


i had asparagus and my boss had mentioned that she had shaved white asparagus because thats what you do. (they are much tougher than normal.) and consuming raw asparagus has been mentioned a lot in the last week, so i thought, maybe i can make a salad of shaved regular asparagus. and that was all i did, shaved it with a carrot peeler and placed it on the plate. i think they may have been better if they were colder and fresher or maybe even blanched and really cold (but then its not raw).  i just drizzled olive oil and balsamic and some salt + pepper and that was that.  i poached 2 eggs.. and then. i. made. magic. guys...i've never really be very good at making hash browns or breakfast potatoes or they take too long, whatever, its just not been good. but i cut 1/2 a russet potato into small squares, chopped a few cloves of garlic and threw some olive oil into a pan (that had a glass top). this i think was the key. i sauteed the potatoes and garlic for a bit and then, i turned the heat down and put the top on the pan. that did it. that steamed them a little to aide their cooking. i know its not revolutionary and i know it makes sense - i just had never thought of it before. i threw in the bit of asparagus near the end and put it all on the plate and added a few cherries. it was brilliant. 

my roommate and i also made dinner last night...yum. we had pan seared chilean sea bass, trader joe's harvest blend of cous cous/lentils/quinoa and a salad of watercress, pears, and orange pieces w. a citrus vinaigrette. i made the vinaigrette and i was disappointed.  no pictures, sadly. lexi and i were wondering what was missing...and i think we needed salt. plain and simple. we just needed to give it a little more flavor. 

that was my first week.
xo

a long way to a point

i'm amazed by so much in life. so much. the little things make me happy, they confuse me, they excite me, they challenge me, they inspire me, they amaze me. 

my junior year in college i took a course called "Chinese and Japanese Religious Traditions" with Dr. Oldstone-Moore, it was eye opening. i had already started down the path of simplicity, or at least what i thought at the time was simplicity. i had also always been really in-tune w. nature, i was into healthy food and my sister had introduced me to yoga principals and practices. but this class. this class blew my mind. i wasn't expecting much as this was my "required" R class for graduation and sure, i wasn't the only one thinking this class would be an easily filled requirement. much to my dismay, i fell in love. i have to be honest, i don't remember much of what we studied in this class, i just know it was taking me down a path.

then my senior year, when i had filled all of my requirements and didnt want to be a pud and not take ANY classes, i decided to sign up for another Oldstone-Moore class...this time around i tried "Buddhist Thoughts and Scriptures" the Wittenberg website states that this course is:

       Seminar studying the teachings and practices of schools of the Buddhist tradition through pivotal scriptures.  Sutras and other texts from Theravada and Mahayana Buddhism will be considered in their historical and cultural contexts, and within the framework of central themes of Buddhism.  Requirements include class discussion and presentations, two exams, one short paper, and a term paper.  Writing intensive. Every third year.

well, sure, thats what we did. i remember devouring the texts, relishing in writing my papers, but the most fulfilling part of this class was the monastic project. 

whats that you ask? it was when we became practicing monks for three weeks. we altered our diets (no meat, no coffee, no processed sugars, no white flour/rice...ALL VEGGIES/ALL ORGANIC), we had group meditation, individual meditation and a yoga practice, we journal-ed everyday, we didn't speak unless spoken to all three Monday's and when we ate we practiced eating meditation. where we weren't supposed to do anything but talk during our meals. no books, no tv, no music, just chewing and talking if anyone else was there. we also had to put our forks down after every bite and really chew and engage with our food. (i lived with three of my best friends my senior year and we had weekly family meals.  

[this picture is from sarah's wedding] we'd all cook together and eat together, it was one of the best things about my senior year and i was lucky that they all were patient with me during this monastic project and even, when we all ate, played along.) this project was awesome. it was really rooting and humbling. its established some of the ideas with which i live my life. its one of those experiences that i think back on all the time.  its the little things from the project that i hold onto and try to practice now and then.

it even helped me, subconsciously (i think), come up with my tattoo.

its in Sanskrit and says 'Chinne mūle maivashakhā na patram' (no branches, no leaves in the absence of the roots.) this is a vedic medical expression that i discovered. and the tree is a bodhi tree, the tree that Buddha was enlightened under. the idea of a tree came to me in a rough/transitional patch. you have to be grounded, rooted to solid ground personally and professionally. you have to have a strong body physically and mentally. finally there is a constant reach towards something, be it a goal, a dream, whatever. and there's also the idea of a cycle, with the leaves, it begins all over again...

where was i going...amazement. i think this foundation (i'd call it that, i guess) in buddhism and breaking down to the simplest form of anything is what led me to this whole cooking endeavor. this wanting to touch what i eat and know where it came from. this sharing of a process and eating at a community table with everyone i know... i wanted to share with you, if you haven't found it already, something that i adore. i can easily say - i effing LOVE this site: food. curated. (www.foodcurated.com) liza basically interviews local foodies, chefs, farmers, fisherman, bee keepers, etc. its pretty amazing. i want you to know about it because this is the sort of thing thats fueling me and inspiring me right now. i love love love it. and there are some really good and innovative ideas. theres all this talk about rooftop farms and backyard farms, its awesome. i think i sense something i may be looking into doing in LA...here we go new chapter.

what gets you going right now? is there someone, some place you go on a regular basis to infuse your life?

xo

 

things and stuff and things

so. this post is a shameless plug for none other than...ME! as you know, i act (duh). and as you also know, i'm part of the bushwick shakespeare repertory, which is an all-female collaborative focusing on giving women the opportunity to play roles from the Classics not traditionally given to women. which, as i can attest to, if awesome. and as you probably know too, cause i talk about it all the time, this past year of plays has been: romeo & juliet (the nurse) to as you like it (touchstone) to the cherry orchard (anya) to julius caesar (cassius and then some). needless to say it was a lot of classical theatre and lots of shakespeare. nobody blamed me for needing a break from shakespeare and boy was i desperate for something contemporary...

well, folks out there in blog world. i did it! i just got cast in a wonderfully silly production of the book of liz.  i am very excited about this show, mainly because its written by david and amy sedaris but also because it will be a good challenge. then, come to find out, i'm shooting this weekend with RADAR and a very cool guerrilla artist and i am doing background work on Rescue Me next week (will keep you posted on the airing). 

must say, i am pleasantly surprised and quite giddily happy.

xo

i made this. (eek!)

enjoy. xo

spring time in the city!

after two days of ridiculously hot april weather, new york is settling into its spring routine (i hope). the ladies are wearing their skirts and sandals and the boys are wearing shorts and cute t-shirts. i, for one, did my part last night by doing yoga on the roof. it was so lovely. i got home from work popped on the yoga podcasts that a friend introduced me to and began. the sun was setting, it was still warm with a nice breeze and it was such a lovely view of the city. i think i am going to try to do this a lot, or maybe even get up in the morning to do it then.
yoga is so good for you. it balances and grounds you. all too often we're set to over drive. we dont take a moment to breathe or observe. when you do this, you give your life tremendous perspective. in buddhism, there is a desire to reach nabbana (sanskrit: nirvana), to attain nothingness. that can be terrifying, it feels like you are ridding yourself of "everything". i read an article also last night and it suggests to put the emphasis on the word differently, no-thingness. non-attachment. a recognition of the fact that things ebb and flow. the come and go. you address the emotional response, see it and let it go. its all a letting go. and in this letting go you find a solid ground to stand on. 
sigh. i love this stuff. 
xo

i guess its that winter feeling

there's a storm coming through the midatlantic states and i cannot be more jealous. i just want snow. i want snow to dump on new york city so its quiet and white and you could walk out on the streets at midnight and it would be as if not a soul breathed in new york. that may seem morbid, but i mean it so far from that sense.  when the city is that quite it looks like a painting. it feels like your favorite book that you curl up on the couch with. its wonderful. its romantic.

new york is a lonely place though - completely contradictory to what i want out of the city at this current moment. when there's a haze over the city, there's this entire city shift. we all, buildings, taxis, animals, people, we all shift into second gear and cruise. slowly. not like your on highway 101 and the sun is blowing in your hair and the sting of salt water washes over your face. but this lethargic second gear in which there seem to lurk questions unanswered. its a time when i have this urge to feel "deep." to meditate on life and reiterate to this giant of a city that i'm not afraid of it. sure its big. sure its lonely. but, hell. i'm not scared. i'm pushing on. 

its amazing. when i'm in this mood i notice everything and everyone. i see how solitary this city is. there are bodies studding the sidewalk, maybe every 5 people theres a couple or a group of friends laughing. but for the most part, its everyone walking to their homes. after a long day on their feet. with a bag of groceries, or a playlist of what to order from the thai place, or hopes that there's some rice left in the cupboard and you have a pot clean enough to cook in. there are these pained expressions of the people going by on the bus. i see them through the aging glass, their brows furrowed, their skin opaque from the fluorescent lights inside, their eyes glossed over as they peer through that same glass. in deep thought. or in that nothingness we all experience when we're tired.  the buildings seem to ache. the seem to creak and crack for help. they are falling apart. why won't someone just fill in that gap...i'd provide more warmth.

i'm being a constant observer. maybe i'm projecting. maybe i'm just creating drama. at least i know i'm thinking. xo

snow! umbrella?

stuff done: it snowed for like a split second this morning. it was beautiful. i love snow. what i dont get is why the umbrella's new york? fine, snow is wet and you want to stay dry...but really. forcible avoid that lone snowflake from landing on your nose? nope. not for me.

and new yorkers dont know how to use umbrellas anyway...people have no concept of other people with umbrellas. dont keep your umbrella right on top of your head, you'll poke someone's eye out! and 90% of us are about the same height and quite frankly, i dont want my eyesight damaged because you have no idea how to carry an umbrella, new york.

there.

phew. its out. regardless, the snow was here and now its gone but it was lovely and made my morning.
xo