10 February 2010

i guess its that winter feeling

there's a storm coming through the midatlantic states and i cannot be more jealous. i just want snow. i want snow to dump on new york city so its quiet and white and you could walk out on the streets at midnight and it would be as if not a soul breathed in new york. that may seem morbid, but i mean it so far from that sense.  when the city is that quite it looks like a painting. it feels like your favorite book that you curl up on the couch with. its wonderful. its romantic.

new york is a lonely place though - completely contradictory to what i want out of the city at this current moment. when there's a haze over the city, there's this entire city shift. we all, buildings, taxis, animals, people, we all shift into second gear and cruise. slowly. not like your on highway 101 and the sun is blowing in your hair and the sting of salt water washes over your face. but this lethargic second gear in which there seem to lurk questions unanswered. its a time when i have this urge to feel "deep." to meditate on life and reiterate to this giant of a city that i'm not afraid of it. sure its big. sure its lonely. but, hell. i'm not scared. i'm pushing on. 

its amazing. when i'm in this mood i notice everything and everyone. i see how solitary this city is. there are bodies studding the sidewalk, maybe every 5 people theres a couple or a group of friends laughing. but for the most part, its everyone walking to their homes. after a long day on their feet. with a bag of groceries, or a playlist of what to order from the thai place, or hopes that there's some rice left in the cupboard and you have a pot clean enough to cook in. there are these pained expressions of the people going by on the bus. i see them through the aging glass, their brows furrowed, their skin opaque from the fluorescent lights inside, their eyes glossed over as they peer through that same glass. in deep thought. or in that nothingness we all experience when we're tired.  the buildings seem to ache. the seem to creak and crack for help. they are falling apart. why won't someone just fill in that gap...i'd provide more warmth.

i'm being a constant observer. maybe i'm projecting. maybe i'm just creating drama. at least i know i'm thinking. xo

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