busy bee

i has been awhile since i last did or wrote anything...but i will have you know, i am going to buy a bigger memory card today so i can take more pictures and hopefully someday i'll be able to buy a nice SLR to take more pictures. for the time being, me and my canon powershot are gonna become buddies. and, i'm really looking forward to it.

also. its so interesting to "follow" blogs; let alone food blogs. i think those of us that read them, read the same 7 and jump around to other suggestions from time to time. i say this  b.c i've noticed that theres a trend in what someone ifsattempting to cook, there's always similarities. it makes you really feel like you're involved in a community!

that's all. enjoy the crisping of leaves.
xo

presents

stuff done: i had a friend move to manhattan literally yesterday. he crashed on my couch the night before moving to what i am sure is a kick ass apt on the uws. i would love to someday live on amsterdam or columbus between 69 and 80. its such a cool neighborhood, albeit expensive as all get out but very nice nonetheless.

anyway - i've been having an itch for something sweet. even at work i said, out loud, i want cookies or brownies but the idea of buying them makes my stomach turn. i want to bake something sweet and eat it. so...i decided to bake a house warming gift (which i'm not even going to eat, unless tomorrow he wants to share them) i'm baking thumbprint cookies. with black raspberry jam.

i got the recipe from one of the blogs i read: eat make read. i dig kelly's blog a lot. she has a lot of good recipes and ideas. i want to read the book she posted today, especially if i'm getting into this cooking/stuff blog. the only thing missing is a camera.

i made these cookies for kyle after we talked at length last night about how, when he cooks he googles what he's in the mood for and the filters it through blogs. he browses a bunch of the blogs i frequent, so i thought using a blog i love would do perfect justice to these little guys!

and here's the recipe:
Cookie Dough
based on this recipe from everyday food

Ingredients

• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/4 teaspoon lemon extract OR 1/4 teaspoon lemon zest
• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
• 1 jar of jam

Preparation
1. in a large bowl, using an electric mixer, beat butter, sugar, and salt until light and fluffy.

2. add egg yolks, one at a time, scraping the bowl after each addition. reserve egg whites. add vanilla and lemon extract or zest.

3. with mixer on low, add flour; mix just until combined. wrap in plastic; chill until firm, about 1 hour. to make ahead: refrigerate up to 2 weeks, or freeze up to 3 months.

4. preheat oven to 350°. remove chilled dough from refrigerator. using a small scoop, place round of dough on cookie sheet, about 1 inch apart.

5. using the bowl of a 1/4 teaspoon, make an indentation into each cookie.

6. whisk the egg white with 1 teaspoon water and brush each cookie with the wash. (i forgot this step so i did it after i had put the jam in the cookies.)

7. spoon 1/2 teaspoon of your chosen jam into each cookie.

8. bake for 13-15 minutes.

for me, this yeilded 20 LARGE cookies and b.c they were so big, i cooked them for about 20 minutes or so. (they smell, divine! the whole house smells of buttery goodness.)

let's hope he likes them!

delish!

stuff done: i took a really fabulous yoga class last night. it was a really specific class and i decided to give myself a solid intention for the practice for the evening so everything matched up brilliantly. we ended the class with a 3 minute seated meditation, which is not normally how they end a beginner level class and i wept. tears flowed from my eyes for those full three minutes. it was a lovely release.

i then had a hankering for mussels...
so i bought a bag at whole foods and tossed in a big glug of white table wine, a whole roughly chopped shallot, 5 chopped cloves of garlic, a bunch of herbs chopped up, a pinch of saffron and a whole tomato chopped. steamed them for about 15 (if that, i wasnt really watching) it was so yummy. i ate all of them. BY MYSELF. for some reason, i could eat mussels all the time, whenever. they are so good and so easy! (this picture is not what my mussels looked like...i borrowed it from this guy, thanks guy. :) )

on that note, i think i am going to dig out my old canon 35mm and start shooting!

inspiration

stuff read: one of the many blogs i read include this one. and on friday, brian posted a quote...

“one ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.” – goethe

oh man...

 This sounds fabulous. Super fabulous. I would love to be able to afford and have the time to do something like this w. my boyfriend and/or a few friends. It seems like it would be such an amazing experience. As the author says, it does sort of feel like a cop-out...but what if it inspires you to grow veggies out on your fire escape? Or want to move to Vermont and start working on a farm.

Sheesh. I love it.

the curtain falls

Stuff done: So it's over. As you like it has closed. The withdrawal that happens when you finish a project that you've been working on for 3 months is ridiculous. It’s a lot of hard work, you're exhausted and at moments you can't wait until it’s over. Then it is and there's this wash of loss and sadness.

I'm pretty impressed by what we accomplished though. We've heard nothing but positive feedback. We had packed houses 90% of the time. That is an amazing feeling. As an actor, looking out onto a packed house is so wonderful. It kicks up your adrenaline and makes you work harder. At least that’s what it does for me. This show was such a challenge and adventure to say the least. And as such a young company, I'm proud of what we did.

On to a more heady topic. I've been thinking about mortality and its effects on us/me/u/people/an individual... This is probably because my boyfriend's grandfather passed away earlier this week. It was an unexpected/expected thing. He's been growing older faster over the last few months but he was in for a routine surgery and then suddenly, he's gone. 
There are so many things I am feeling. I am overwhelmed with sadness for his family. Their grandfather was their beacon. Their stalwart. And, instantly, all that remains is the bond of a relationship. Every time I think about it, I get choked up. To what end? Is it that the lack of a physical body is so overwhelming that the relationship and the feelings and the memories and the ideas and the encouragement that a person provided during their physical life are now remiss? No. It can't be, right? We are all affected by people. By things. By words. By actions. And these "things" remain. We're like chalkboards that have been written on for years and there's still bits of chalk that will never vanish, no matter how hard you try to wash them off. (Not sure that’s the right analogy, but it was what popped into my head and seems to make sense.) 
I guess its just hard, in the moment, to recognize all the ways a person has affected you.

It has also made me think about the people close to me and their mortality; even my own. How quickly it can go. How one moment you can be laughing with someone and the next instant some terrible tragedy befalls you. I have no control over what will happen or won't happen. I can just keep living and doing and existing in the moment. To be wrapped in the possibility of loss or departure of someone you love only hinders you and makes you wallow. I don’t want to wallow. I want to breathe and enjoy my friends and family to the fullest that I can so that when, sadly, the moment does come when I have to say goodbye I have so much still there.

Time passes. Things change. We have to move with the change. We have to take the life we've lived and mix it with the one we're living. Be influenced by our past experiences, learn from them, grow from them, fail from them...allow them to wash over us and inspire us and never forget that it’s all something that shapes how we take that next step forward. 
I guess this sort of is related to my post on Buddhism. Life means suffering. Suffering is caused by attachment. The cessation of suffering is possible. There is a path to the end of suffering. ... It’s just a long journey. Keep your eyes open and exist from moment to moment.

I am saddened by this loss. I know the pain my boyfriend is suffering from is great. I want nothing more than to hold his hand and cry with him. I also know that his grandfather loved him so much and was so proud of him that this relationship with shape him for the rest of his life. None of this is ever easy. The journey of life is a hard one, I'm glad to share it with people I love dearly. To you...I will always be here for you to lean on.

xo

the plays the thing

Stuff doing (and done): Tonight opens the second week of the Bushwick Shakespeare Repertory's run of As You Like It. And, boy are we excited!

The first week of the show was so great. It was a long week with a lot of hard work, some construction site snooping to find bits and pieces of our set, some neighborhood tramping to get our posters hung in local businesses and a morning full of bagels, coffee and doughnuts for a photo shoot before our Sunday matinee. All in all, we had really great audiences, good solid shows and an awesome time hanging out as a cast and crew post show. We've even gotten some great comments on Time Out New York's listing of our show! (Check it: here)

I'm looking forward to discovering new things and motivations for my character and as a cast as a whole. I imagine we'll all come back refreshed and recharged for some more hard/creative work.

Come see the show! (No one reads this, but on the off chance...)