a long way to a point

i'm amazed by so much in life. so much. the little things make me happy, they confuse me, they excite me, they challenge me, they inspire me, they amaze me. 

my junior year in college i took a course called "Chinese and Japanese Religious Traditions" with Dr. Oldstone-Moore, it was eye opening. i had already started down the path of simplicity, or at least what i thought at the time was simplicity. i had also always been really in-tune w. nature, i was into healthy food and my sister had introduced me to yoga principals and practices. but this class. this class blew my mind. i wasn't expecting much as this was my "required" R class for graduation and sure, i wasn't the only one thinking this class would be an easily filled requirement. much to my dismay, i fell in love. i have to be honest, i don't remember much of what we studied in this class, i just know it was taking me down a path.

then my senior year, when i had filled all of my requirements and didnt want to be a pud and not take ANY classes, i decided to sign up for another Oldstone-Moore class...this time around i tried "Buddhist Thoughts and Scriptures" the Wittenberg website states that this course is:

       Seminar studying the teachings and practices of schools of the Buddhist tradition through pivotal scriptures.  Sutras and other texts from Theravada and Mahayana Buddhism will be considered in their historical and cultural contexts, and within the framework of central themes of Buddhism.  Requirements include class discussion and presentations, two exams, one short paper, and a term paper.  Writing intensive. Every third year.

well, sure, thats what we did. i remember devouring the texts, relishing in writing my papers, but the most fulfilling part of this class was the monastic project. 

whats that you ask? it was when we became practicing monks for three weeks. we altered our diets (no meat, no coffee, no processed sugars, no white flour/rice...ALL VEGGIES/ALL ORGANIC), we had group meditation, individual meditation and a yoga practice, we journal-ed everyday, we didn't speak unless spoken to all three Monday's and when we ate we practiced eating meditation. where we weren't supposed to do anything but talk during our meals. no books, no tv, no music, just chewing and talking if anyone else was there. we also had to put our forks down after every bite and really chew and engage with our food. (i lived with three of my best friends my senior year and we had weekly family meals.  

[this picture is from sarah's wedding] we'd all cook together and eat together, it was one of the best things about my senior year and i was lucky that they all were patient with me during this monastic project and even, when we all ate, played along.) this project was awesome. it was really rooting and humbling. its established some of the ideas with which i live my life. its one of those experiences that i think back on all the time.  its the little things from the project that i hold onto and try to practice now and then.

it even helped me, subconsciously (i think), come up with my tattoo.

its in Sanskrit and says 'Chinne mūle maivashakhā na patram' (no branches, no leaves in the absence of the roots.) this is a vedic medical expression that i discovered. and the tree is a bodhi tree, the tree that Buddha was enlightened under. the idea of a tree came to me in a rough/transitional patch. you have to be grounded, rooted to solid ground personally and professionally. you have to have a strong body physically and mentally. finally there is a constant reach towards something, be it a goal, a dream, whatever. and there's also the idea of a cycle, with the leaves, it begins all over again...

where was i going...amazement. i think this foundation (i'd call it that, i guess) in buddhism and breaking down to the simplest form of anything is what led me to this whole cooking endeavor. this wanting to touch what i eat and know where it came from. this sharing of a process and eating at a community table with everyone i know... i wanted to share with you, if you haven't found it already, something that i adore. i can easily say - i effing LOVE this site: food. curated. (www.foodcurated.com) liza basically interviews local foodies, chefs, farmers, fisherman, bee keepers, etc. its pretty amazing. i want you to know about it because this is the sort of thing thats fueling me and inspiring me right now. i love love love it. and there are some really good and innovative ideas. theres all this talk about rooftop farms and backyard farms, its awesome. i think i sense something i may be looking into doing in LA...here we go new chapter.

what gets you going right now? is there someone, some place you go on a regular basis to infuse your life?

xo

 

the curtain falls

Stuff done: So it's over. As you like it has closed. The withdrawal that happens when you finish a project that you've been working on for 3 months is ridiculous. It’s a lot of hard work, you're exhausted and at moments you can't wait until it’s over. Then it is and there's this wash of loss and sadness.

I'm pretty impressed by what we accomplished though. We've heard nothing but positive feedback. We had packed houses 90% of the time. That is an amazing feeling. As an actor, looking out onto a packed house is so wonderful. It kicks up your adrenaline and makes you work harder. At least that’s what it does for me. This show was such a challenge and adventure to say the least. And as such a young company, I'm proud of what we did.

On to a more heady topic. I've been thinking about mortality and its effects on us/me/u/people/an individual... This is probably because my boyfriend's grandfather passed away earlier this week. It was an unexpected/expected thing. He's been growing older faster over the last few months but he was in for a routine surgery and then suddenly, he's gone. 
There are so many things I am feeling. I am overwhelmed with sadness for his family. Their grandfather was their beacon. Their stalwart. And, instantly, all that remains is the bond of a relationship. Every time I think about it, I get choked up. To what end? Is it that the lack of a physical body is so overwhelming that the relationship and the feelings and the memories and the ideas and the encouragement that a person provided during their physical life are now remiss? No. It can't be, right? We are all affected by people. By things. By words. By actions. And these "things" remain. We're like chalkboards that have been written on for years and there's still bits of chalk that will never vanish, no matter how hard you try to wash them off. (Not sure that’s the right analogy, but it was what popped into my head and seems to make sense.) 
I guess its just hard, in the moment, to recognize all the ways a person has affected you.

It has also made me think about the people close to me and their mortality; even my own. How quickly it can go. How one moment you can be laughing with someone and the next instant some terrible tragedy befalls you. I have no control over what will happen or won't happen. I can just keep living and doing and existing in the moment. To be wrapped in the possibility of loss or departure of someone you love only hinders you and makes you wallow. I don’t want to wallow. I want to breathe and enjoy my friends and family to the fullest that I can so that when, sadly, the moment does come when I have to say goodbye I have so much still there.

Time passes. Things change. We have to move with the change. We have to take the life we've lived and mix it with the one we're living. Be influenced by our past experiences, learn from them, grow from them, fail from them...allow them to wash over us and inspire us and never forget that it’s all something that shapes how we take that next step forward. 
I guess this sort of is related to my post on Buddhism. Life means suffering. Suffering is caused by attachment. The cessation of suffering is possible. There is a path to the end of suffering. ... It’s just a long journey. Keep your eyes open and exist from moment to moment.

I am saddened by this loss. I know the pain my boyfriend is suffering from is great. I want nothing more than to hold his hand and cry with him. I also know that his grandfather loved him so much and was so proud of him that this relationship with shape him for the rest of his life. None of this is ever easy. The journey of life is a hard one, I'm glad to share it with people I love dearly. To you...I will always be here for you to lean on.

xo

do things

Stuff done: Not only did I work at the yoga studio the other night, I also took a yoga class with an amazing teacher. I showed up about 20 minutes early; I wanted to settle into the room, the class, and stretch a little. When I first took to my mat I realized my hips and the back of my legs were super tight. I knew class was going to be a challenge, especially since I hadn’t taken an hour and a half class in quite a while.  But - this is the point - challenge myself to DO things.

Anyway, Sarah (our teacher) started the class by talking about Buddhism. I studied Buddhism a little in college and really enjoyed it. I was drawn to it. To the idea of awareness.  To the idea of nature and simplicity.  She started talking about how yogic philosophy and Buddhist philosophy were very much akin and how the main principles of Buddhism - the four noble truths - align with yogic practices as well.

Which are:
1. Life means suffering.
2. The origin of suffering is attachment.
3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.
4. The path to the cessation of suffering.
(Found this cool website that I pulled these from!)


The overall idea is that life involves suffering - the point is not to wallow in it, the point is to use it and figure out how to get past it. She was linking this back to yoga in the sense of recognizing your bodies limitations but also knowing that it’s part of the journey to exist a little in your suffering (a pose that may be painful or feel weird to you). You can and will figure out how to work through it. How to overcome it. Also, something that always hits home for me when I think about Buddhism is that we all have a “path” - no two paths are the same. We each must walk down our road...once you're on that road; it’s not going away. You can try to jump off, but it will always follow you. There will always be this voice in the back of your head saying, "hey, dummy. I'm still here, we're still working!" and you don’t have to suffer all the time.  You just get beyond it and keep moving.

So, tha’ts my mini rant on yoga and Buddhism. I, myself, am going to work harder to incorporate both into my life!

After yoga I went here. Sort of counter productive but it’s such an awesome place and their burgers are great.