inspiration

stuff read: one of the many blogs i read include this one. and on friday, brian posted a quote...

“one ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.” – goethe

oh man...

 This sounds fabulous. Super fabulous. I would love to be able to afford and have the time to do something like this w. my boyfriend and/or a few friends. It seems like it would be such an amazing experience. As the author says, it does sort of feel like a cop-out...but what if it inspires you to grow veggies out on your fire escape? Or want to move to Vermont and start working on a farm.

Sheesh. I love it.

the curtain falls

Stuff done: So it's over. As you like it has closed. The withdrawal that happens when you finish a project that you've been working on for 3 months is ridiculous. It’s a lot of hard work, you're exhausted and at moments you can't wait until it’s over. Then it is and there's this wash of loss and sadness.

I'm pretty impressed by what we accomplished though. We've heard nothing but positive feedback. We had packed houses 90% of the time. That is an amazing feeling. As an actor, looking out onto a packed house is so wonderful. It kicks up your adrenaline and makes you work harder. At least that’s what it does for me. This show was such a challenge and adventure to say the least. And as such a young company, I'm proud of what we did.

On to a more heady topic. I've been thinking about mortality and its effects on us/me/u/people/an individual... This is probably because my boyfriend's grandfather passed away earlier this week. It was an unexpected/expected thing. He's been growing older faster over the last few months but he was in for a routine surgery and then suddenly, he's gone. 
There are so many things I am feeling. I am overwhelmed with sadness for his family. Their grandfather was their beacon. Their stalwart. And, instantly, all that remains is the bond of a relationship. Every time I think about it, I get choked up. To what end? Is it that the lack of a physical body is so overwhelming that the relationship and the feelings and the memories and the ideas and the encouragement that a person provided during their physical life are now remiss? No. It can't be, right? We are all affected by people. By things. By words. By actions. And these "things" remain. We're like chalkboards that have been written on for years and there's still bits of chalk that will never vanish, no matter how hard you try to wash them off. (Not sure that’s the right analogy, but it was what popped into my head and seems to make sense.) 
I guess its just hard, in the moment, to recognize all the ways a person has affected you.

It has also made me think about the people close to me and their mortality; even my own. How quickly it can go. How one moment you can be laughing with someone and the next instant some terrible tragedy befalls you. I have no control over what will happen or won't happen. I can just keep living and doing and existing in the moment. To be wrapped in the possibility of loss or departure of someone you love only hinders you and makes you wallow. I don’t want to wallow. I want to breathe and enjoy my friends and family to the fullest that I can so that when, sadly, the moment does come when I have to say goodbye I have so much still there.

Time passes. Things change. We have to move with the change. We have to take the life we've lived and mix it with the one we're living. Be influenced by our past experiences, learn from them, grow from them, fail from them...allow them to wash over us and inspire us and never forget that it’s all something that shapes how we take that next step forward. 
I guess this sort of is related to my post on Buddhism. Life means suffering. Suffering is caused by attachment. The cessation of suffering is possible. There is a path to the end of suffering. ... It’s just a long journey. Keep your eyes open and exist from moment to moment.

I am saddened by this loss. I know the pain my boyfriend is suffering from is great. I want nothing more than to hold his hand and cry with him. I also know that his grandfather loved him so much and was so proud of him that this relationship with shape him for the rest of his life. None of this is ever easy. The journey of life is a hard one, I'm glad to share it with people I love dearly. To you...I will always be here for you to lean on.

xo

the plays the thing

Stuff doing (and done): Tonight opens the second week of the Bushwick Shakespeare Repertory's run of As You Like It. And, boy are we excited!

The first week of the show was so great. It was a long week with a lot of hard work, some construction site snooping to find bits and pieces of our set, some neighborhood tramping to get our posters hung in local businesses and a morning full of bagels, coffee and doughnuts for a photo shoot before our Sunday matinee. All in all, we had really great audiences, good solid shows and an awesome time hanging out as a cast and crew post show. We've even gotten some great comments on Time Out New York's listing of our show! (Check it: here)

I'm looking forward to discovering new things and motivations for my character and as a cast as a whole. I imagine we'll all come back refreshed and recharged for some more hard/creative work.

Come see the show! (No one reads this, but on the off chance...)

do things

Stuff done: Not only did I work at the yoga studio the other night, I also took a yoga class with an amazing teacher. I showed up about 20 minutes early; I wanted to settle into the room, the class, and stretch a little. When I first took to my mat I realized my hips and the back of my legs were super tight. I knew class was going to be a challenge, especially since I hadn’t taken an hour and a half class in quite a while.  But - this is the point - challenge myself to DO things.

Anyway, Sarah (our teacher) started the class by talking about Buddhism. I studied Buddhism a little in college and really enjoyed it. I was drawn to it. To the idea of awareness.  To the idea of nature and simplicity.  She started talking about how yogic philosophy and Buddhist philosophy were very much akin and how the main principles of Buddhism - the four noble truths - align with yogic practices as well.

Which are:
1. Life means suffering.
2. The origin of suffering is attachment.
3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.
4. The path to the cessation of suffering.
(Found this cool website that I pulled these from!)


The overall idea is that life involves suffering - the point is not to wallow in it, the point is to use it and figure out how to get past it. She was linking this back to yoga in the sense of recognizing your bodies limitations but also knowing that it’s part of the journey to exist a little in your suffering (a pose that may be painful or feel weird to you). You can and will figure out how to work through it. How to overcome it. Also, something that always hits home for me when I think about Buddhism is that we all have a “path” - no two paths are the same. We each must walk down our road...once you're on that road; it’s not going away. You can try to jump off, but it will always follow you. There will always be this voice in the back of your head saying, "hey, dummy. I'm still here, we're still working!" and you don’t have to suffer all the time.  You just get beyond it and keep moving.

So, tha’ts my mini rant on yoga and Buddhism. I, myself, am going to work harder to incorporate both into my life!

After yoga I went here. Sort of counter productive but it’s such an awesome place and their burgers are great.

goo

Stuff not done: Getting up early. I just can't seem to manage it. Le sigh.

ce soir

Stuff done: I worked at a yoga studio tonight for 2 hours. I don't know why but being in a yoga studio, literally just being there, sets me at ease and fills me with this unbridled compassion towards every living thing. 

Does that sound cheesy? I'm a big cheese head, but I'm serious. All I want to do right now is go hang out with people and smile and giggle. And, do yoga, duh. I would spend hours doing yoga. That’s what I like. That’s what gets me going.


So. I think everyone should do yoga. Now I'm going to go geek out and meditate and go to bed.